Finding Peace

A Personal Journey Through Toxic Relationships

Running my monthly networking event is one of the many highlights of my professional life.

It’s an opportunity to connect with like-minded individuals, share experiences, and foster new relationships. However, it wasn’t until I compared the pictures from the June networking event to the most recent July pictures that I truly realized the profound impact of the peace I now have. In just 30 days, my body language and my face had changed. I was genuinely smiling and laughing.

For weeks I had been silently going through what felt like hell! I was heartbreakingly forced to cut people out of my life. People I wanted to keep and bring to the next level of success with me so badly. People I saw the good in, People saw a bright future for, but these were people who were only there to use me, use my name, use my image, use my contacts, and use my resources. People who were slowly killing my peace of mind, destroying my confidence, and the stress they put on me was bad for my physical health.

This short-lived situation was so toxic in my life that it rapidly started to deteriorate my physical and mental health. In just a month, I lost 12 pounds. I remember pleading with them, begging them to understand how their actions were hurting me. I would send them pictures of the scale, tell them I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping, and describe the toll their actions were taking on me. But they just didn’t care. Their indifference was devastating and heartbreaking.

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 27:17, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." It's essential to have people in our lives who build us up rather than tear us down.

The Turning Point

The turning point came when early one morning I was hospitalized with an anxiety attack due to immense stress. As I was privately struggling for weeks, I still had to get up every day and show properties, attend closings, write contracts, take care of my kids, care for my dogs, go on podcasts, smile, hug people, and shake hands. Inside, I was slowly dying. I shut down completely!

Right there, that day, in the hospital I prayed! "Dear Lord, please remove this person from my life as I know you have a better plan for me. Father, I know you will fight for me. All I need to do is to be still and trust in you. Please guide me out of these difficult times. Thank You, Lord, for your divine protection from harmful influences and help me make the right decision as I walk my own way without this human being in my life."

Joshua 1:9 tells us: "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

The Impact of Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships will drain your mental and emotional resources, hijack your sense of self, infect your mood and outlook on life, create stress and unhappiness, make you doubt your feelings and experiences, slow or sabotage your progress, and pull you away from healthy, empowering, uplifting relationships.

James 3:16 states, "For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." Toxic relationships can cause disorder in our lives and hearts.

Jealousy and Intimidation in Close Relationships

Jealousy within your inner circle and close relationships can be detrimental to both personal and professional success. Choose relationships where success is celebrated, not envied. Genuine supporters celebrate your success wholeheartedly. As a well-known and successful woman, sometimes your success can intimidate others, making them feel weak or less of a person. When someone is intimidated by you and treats you badly, they often create a false narrative about you to justify their behavior and mistreatment of you. This can be incredibly damaging and isolating, but it’s crucial to recognize that their insecurity is not a reflection of your worth. How they treat you is a reflection of how they feel about themselves, not a reflection of who you are.

Proverbs 14:30 tells us, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." It's important to seek peace and avoid the rot of envy and jealousy.

Moving Forward

Seeing those recent photographs and receiving comments about how happy I looked was just the revelation I needed. It wasn’t necessarily that I was particularly happy; I just finally had peace. I ran back to God, and I have stayed almost desperately in prayer. My mind was no longer racing with questions and struggles. I was no longer in a constant state of turmoil and confusion.

For the first time in a long while, I felt a sense of tranquility. It made me realize how much I had been enduring and how important it was to prioritize my well-being and carefully choose the people I let close to me in my life.

Ephesians 4:32 reminds us, "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Even though people hurt us, we are called to show kindness and forgiveness.

BUT remember, forgiveness doesn't mean reconnection. Your health and peace of mind are more important than any toxic relationship. Prioritize yourself, seek support if you need it, and know that you deserve to be surrounded by people who uplift and celebrate you.

Conclusion

When you are feeling overwhelmed, less than, stressed, and confused, remember that God is not the author of confusion but of peace. Whenever you feel confused, you can be sure that God is not part of it. It is never your fault when others treat you poorly. If someone behaves negatively towards you due to their intimidation by your appearance, success, or status, it is a reflection of their own insecurities, not a measure of your worth. Just quietly leave their life. Their disrespect was your closure.

As the Bible teaches us, even Judas, who betrayed Jesus, was allowed to eat at the table. We are called to show grace and kindness, even in the face of betrayal. While it is necessary to remove toxic people from our lives, we must not seek to harm them. It is not our place to retaliate against those who hurt us; instead, we are to pray for their healing and growth. In doing so, we honor the teachings of Christ and uphold the principles of love and forgiveness.

For more help:

1.National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:

Phone: 988
Website: 988lifeline.org
2. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline:

Phone: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Website: samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline 3. Crisis Text Line:

Text: HELLO to 741741
Website: crisistextline.org 4. National Helpline for Substance Abuse:

Phone: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

*These hotlines provide immediate help and support for those in crisis and can connect individuals to local resources for ongoing support.

Love you all,

Andrea Nicole